Another let-down.

Well since writing makes me feel better that is what i'll do.  This blog is a bit personal but I need to put my emotions, thoughts, and feelings out there.  Well my mom has greatly disappointed me.  She came very close to losing her life today and I will definitely say that God was on her side so I have spent my evening in the hospital with her.  Maybe it seems selfish of me, but would it be bad to say I am disappointed?  I am so sick and tired of being more of a parent to my own parents than they are to me.  I have cut ties with my father completely and thinking of doing it with my mother for  a while too until she gets her life straightened out.  I can't handle the stress she brings me anymore and I surely can't monitor her actions anymore.  It is not my job to make sure she is not drinking and driving, it is not my job to make sure she is not doing something stupid and its sure as hell not my job to make sure she is ok at every moment of the day.  I would like to be there for her as much as possible but there comes a point when you just have to take a step back and say that enough is enough.  I often remind myself that I left for a reason, I joined the military for a reason, I am bettering myself for a reason, I am getting an education for a reason...I want to be better than that.  I am trying so hard to be there, to have faith in her, to stand by her side...but my patience is wearing thin, my faith in her is virtually gone, and I feel like I really don't have much more room for forgiveness.  I am tired, disappointed, hurt, and emotionally drained from all of the events lately.  I feel like for once in her life she should stop being selfish and  realize that she is hurting those of us around that should mean the most the worst.